you don't know what you got til it's gone.

unfortunately for you, i'm not the one who fucked up. now can you please stop acting like you did nothing wrong? we both know you're the real guilty one.

:)

"the only thing making my life good right now is.......nevermind."

:)

ooh now we're getting shitty.

i'm sorry, but i beat you to the punch.

watch my steady lonesome gait, and be aware

i just have a horrible feeling.

at this point

i can't tell which parts of my life are dreams and which are reality. in both, i make sure to do as i please, so it doesn't matter.

p.s. i have spent way too much time around my baby pictures these past few days. i think i'm starting to resent them.

hold your own, know your name, and go your own way.

Graduation is today. I didn't sleep all night. I spent most of it laying by myself on the roof. Staring at the sky. This is my life. It's moving too slow and too fast simultaneously. My heart is racing, I feel panicky. I just want to relax. I don't want to face the people who have hurt me. I don't want to see them go, either. I'm stuck in this moment. I want to be let go.

it's funny

how everyone thinks they're right to be mad at things
when really, it's their fault that things are this way.

to quote blink-182, "if we're fucked up you're to blame."

this quote gave me shivers

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

every thought, a thought of You

i am not getting my honors diploma, and now that my parents know, i really don't give a damn about it.

fckit TM.

I have so much stuff to get done before graduation. But I somehow find enough time to wedge in the most ridiculous personal life I have ever thought possible. It's funny, sad, and happy. My life is a regular Shakespeare play. Especially in the fact that I can't understand a damn thing that's going on!

tell me why pt. 2

i don't care anymore.
i cared so much, my life is in ruin without things the way they were
and that is despicable
it's four days until school's out and i'm failing math
which isn't your fault
but thanks a lot.

tell me why

i only think of you

story of high school

When they swear their love is real
They mean "I like the way you make me feel"


and THIS is why everyone's life usually turns to shit.

*

i have hope, faith, and new beginnings. to quote n*sync, i've got my eyes on the skies!


p.s. the new camera obscura album is my shit.

my maudlin career

i should really realize that if i sit there making life decisions for two years, i should probably not ignore that decision and throw caution to the wind. alas, i am only a girl.

this is my arm, this is my heart

this is the lie that you promised to me

every night

lately i have been getting a wave of calm.

everyone should know how i truly feel although i royally fucked things up.
i need a break, this place is driving me crazy but i still have hope and love for everything here.

it's a new dawn, it's a new day

it's a new life for me, and i'm feeling down but hopeful. i have a good heart. now i just have to fuckinguseit! i'm here.

god i fucked up.

i wanted to be the good guy but once again through my own actions i've really fucked up. i need out of here

i promised myself i wouldn't write a sad blog but everyone's doin it

have you had enough excitement now? more than you ever did?
you never wanted to be treated like a woman
you maintained you was just a kid
well at least you were of age my dear- these days kids they grow so fast
you never wanted to be committed to the present
you're too busy believing in the past, oh

who then was your savior? Who then was your friend?
who is now committed to the present? Is it someone that exists?
what is life in God? A perfect vision of the self?
I always thought we was dealing with one thing
now we are dealing with something else

do you see my smoking guns?
they're smoking from shootin'. Smokin’ from shootin'
smokin' from shootin at nothing dear
do you live your life on the run?
loosing out on lovin
Asking for nothing
Runnin' from something that isn't there

who makes my decisions? who reads all your thoughts?
what makes us how we are?
faith can't prove what science won't resolve
kumbaya my lord, c'mon row your boat ashore
the river's long. it is cold. it chills the body but not the soul.

do you see my smokin' guns?
they're smokin' from shootin'. smokin' from shootin'
smokin' from shooting at nothing dear.
do you live your life on the run?
losing out on lovin
asking for nothing
running from something that isn't there

distance- coming or going? c'mon
what are you waiting for?
distance- growing or closing in on?
anyway?

no one is who they seem. especially not me. and i'd love to believe that everyone really wants to change but i've been disappointed too much before. i love all of you more than you ever would know. sometimes i feel stupid for loving you so much but i do. it makes me sad to see this happen to any of you. i know it's awkward but you can talk to me. i'd understand even if it seems i won't. you have me even though i know i don't have you. please don't be afraid to really love people.

i learned a valuable lesson today

but will i remember it? i doubt it...but i'm pretty tired.

i looked up zoloft on webMD today..those side affects are killer. vomit that looks like coffee grounds? no thank you :(

should i give up, or should i just keep chasing pavements?

i want a friend right now, or the anxiety of needing to constantly be around another person to subside. today was a busy day and i haven't really had time to stop and think about what happened. it was kristian's birthday though, the pee wee hermann AGGGHHHHH goes out to him

i am incredibly happy.

you tell me why.

anchors away!

i have been doing really well, the sun is shining, the haters is multiplying, which is good if you live by the words of katt williams which i do as best an 18 year old white girl can. today i went to muncie and bought a bright blue shirt. i wish i had a tattoo, or more importantly a job providing money. baby steps. i have been spending a great deal of time in muncie totally by accident. james and i want to go on the cardinal greenway all the way there sometime but i'm not sure i have that kind of stamina. prom was pretty fun. i sewed my dress. there were some awkward times but all in all and alright day. dinner was delish. i'm not chomping at the bit to get out of here just as much anymore but i would still not pass up the opportunity. i guess you could say the anxiety's dying down, i am happy/chill.

my life is more ridiculous than an episode of degrassi

and it doesn't end in thirty minutes. isn't that some shit.

someone give me a hobby!

classic!

i deleted my old blog because it is embarrassing, and look what happened! i started a new one...this was the captcha i was told to solve:



even cyberspace is annoyed with me.

jazzmin and i are going to indianapolis tomorrow which should be a nice vacay. also i just found out my parents are allowing me to go to bloomington 3 weeks early! this is going to be so lovely.